You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
