Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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