I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
