The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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