It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
