I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
