I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
