You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
