My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sext me about skeletons
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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