I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have fence marks all over my body
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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