I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
