i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
