lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
