Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
