Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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