I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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