How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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