we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
