Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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