I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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