i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
