can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
