one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
