dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
