Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
