My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
