it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
