I bet he comes in French.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
