I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
