FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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