I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
