i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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