We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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