Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
