I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
