I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
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Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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