what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
