There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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