I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
