Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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