Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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