i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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