i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's get the cat blown out
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
