I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
