About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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