I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
