I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
