I hate your face
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
