A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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