party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
