so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My ass is underappreciated
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
