I am puke
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
