I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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