Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
