I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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