3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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