i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
