We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
