he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
