If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
